So your favorite chan is down?

So you're a 4chanfag, or a 420chan fag, or even an EDfag, and you've recently experienced Internet Tough Guise who get their pleasure from making other people unhappy (ie, lulz.) Now, we're all familiar with that, amirite? The lulz are what life for a chanfag or an EDfag is all about. Can you really hate them for doing it for the lulz? No, not really. Of course, they couldn't hate you for getting back at them as well, but that isn't what this article is all about.



You

No, this article is about telling you what you can do with your time other than bitch and moan. Being separated from your imageboard lover can be hard, but stop pussying around and take this shit like a man.

1.) Create some original content motherfuckers

You know how you waste all your time reposting some shit and then bitching about how other people do the same thing? This is a good time to get your digital camera out and go take some pictures of some drunken homeless people jerking off onto Oscar the Motherfucking Grouch's trash can or some shit. Use some Google image search and find some shit that's never been shooped before and SHOOP IT UP. Just figure out some fucking original ideas with some fucking funny shit and GET TO WORK.

2.) Clean your fucking computer desk



Goddamn, you fucking pig, when is the last time you cleaned your goddamned desk off? Are those wrappers from Chinese take out from three years ago or what? Why do they have their own cuntlicking ecosystem, you lazy ass motherfucker? Obviously nobody else is cleaning it for you, so get to work. Use some lysol and disinfect that keyboard and mouse, while you're at it, the years of semen caked on it are out of control. If a woman even looks at your fucking computer she'll probably get pregnant. If a woman would go near you. Which leads us to...

3.) Goddamn, motherfucker, stop fapping to furry porn and go get yourself a boy/girlfriend



Yeah, I know, this is a hard concept to bring yourself to accept, but the truth of the matter is that you're missing out on a lot. Cuddling is awesome, and you're missing out by not talking to someone who you're interested in. Having someone to go on /b/ with and harass people with is fucking amazing. That's rite, even /b/ is better with a partner. Sex is better with a partner than with your hand, too. Goddamn, fuck.

4.) Get out of the motherfucking house and go for a walk or go swimming or some shit

You need some fresh air and some sun, cuntdiver. You are severely lacking in Vitamin D and twenty minutes of exposure to direct sunlight would probably do you some good. Stretch those muscles before they atrophy.

5.) Go get some Vitamin C before you get some fucking Scurvy



Yeah, you may know that in the olden days, people who sailed the seven seas used to get Scurvy because they were extremely deficient in Vitamin C. Well, guess what, fuckface, so do computer geeks who live off of Coke and Doritos. You need to go eat some oranges before your gums start bleeding and your teeth start falling out and some shit.

Go eat some food with some other vitamins while you're at it. Go fucking shopping and buy some shampoo, too, you greasy motherfucker!

6.) Organize the folders on your computer, you cuntbubble

You've got porn everywhere. You don't even know where it all is. A /b/ folder that has over 9000 images in it with no rhyme or reason to it? Maybe you should sort that shit out. Porn is much better when you can find it. Plus, it's always good to have things separated because when you invite your friends over to circlejerk, at least they won't have to know that you like seeing Japanese women get shat upon by men dressed like Ligers.

7.) Read a book

The internets are a great place and all, but fuck, is it so hard to go out and read a novel or a book about quantum physics or some shit? No! Go get a book and take it out to the park or to the bar or somewhere and just sit down and read. It'll do you good to expand your mind beyond the confines of *chanfaggotry.

8.) Call your goddamned mother and father and tell them that you love them


You sick fuck, you've been spending how much of your waking life looking at the Little motherfucking Mermaid with a dick getting a blowjob from Flounder? Shit, don't you think your mom and dad want to hear from you and know that you're still alive? They love you or some shit, just call them and say hi and ask how their day is.

Any other fucking suggestions?


9 comments:

Kakama said...

Hello. I think I am going to append this to the sticky somehow. I did not read this before, but you echo my thoughts exactly. Thank you. I'm going to go to sleep now, really.

Subject said...

this is perfect advice coming from someone who actually knows what they're talking about. i really respect people like you.

The Wombat said...

I had enough time to dedicate half an hour to writing something? Wow. That's like, 1/48th of my day. Too bad I was productive, I did go outside and get some exercise and some sun, did talk to my parents and told them I loved them, and so on. Seems like I'm following my own advice.

Mike said...

I'm sure the *chan trolls will be flooding the comment section of this post soon. They'll rant and rave like rabid dogs, because that's what they do. The more posts they make here, in my opinion, the more valid the articles points become. So go ahead and prove a point for him, Anonymous. Make his day.

Mohey Pori !m0hEY/p0RI said...

Hello Pablo!

With some experience I have in the imageboard culture, I can safely say that when it comes to some people, advice falls on deaf ears.

Too bad about this, because this post is pretty damn solid and truthful.

Anyways, that's pretty much all i wanted to say. have a nice day!

Zander said...

olololo

Peter said...

all i saw on this blog were bullshit stereotypes that I can think of better applications for. Grow up and get a life rather than making fun of boards without registered user names. Seriously is this what you have to do in order to get page views. How pathetic.

W said...

Hey Pablo, maybe you and your wetback family should head right home to stinky ol'd Mexico? And take your tacos with you, beanerboy.

jwcase said...

Comment 19 GET. Also, am I poasting in some kind of sticky right now? I'm confused. And lonesome.

So your favorite chan is down?

So you're a 4chanfag, or a 420chan fag, or even an EDfag, and you've recently experienced Internet Tough Guise who get their pleasure from making other people unhappy (ie, lulz.) Now, we're all familiar with that, amirite? The lulz are what life for a chanfag or an EDfag is all about. Can you really hate them for doing it for the lulz? No, not really. Of course, they couldn't hate you for getting back at them as well, but that isn't what this article is all about.



You

No, this article is about telling you what you can do with your time other than bitch and moan. Being separated from your imageboard lover can be hard, but stop pussying around and take this shit like a man.

1.) Create some original content motherfuckers

You know how you waste all your time reposting some shit and then bitching about how other people do the same thing? This is a good time to get your digital camera out and go take some pictures of some drunken homeless people jerking off onto Oscar the Motherfucking Grouch's trash can or some shit. Use some Google image search and find some shit that's never been shooped before and SHOOP IT UP. Just figure out some fucking original ideas with some fucking funny shit and GET TO WORK.

2.) Clean your fucking computer desk



Goddamn, you fucking pig, when is the last time you cleaned your goddamned desk off? Are those wrappers from Chinese take out from three years ago or what? Why do they have their own cuntlicking ecosystem, you lazy ass motherfucker? Obviously nobody else is cleaning it for you, so get to work. Use some lysol and disinfect that keyboard and mouse, while you're at it, the years of semen caked on it are out of control. If a woman even looks at your fucking computer she'll probably get pregnant. If a woman would go near you. Which leads us to...

3.) Goddamn, motherfucker, stop fapping to furry porn and go get yourself a boy/girlfriend



Yeah, I know, this is a hard concept to bring yourself to accept, but the truth of the matter is that you're missing out on a lot. Cuddling is awesome, and you're missing out by not talking to someone who you're interested in. Having someone to go on /b/ with and harass people with is fucking amazing. That's rite, even /b/ is better with a partner. Sex is better with a partner than with your hand, too. Goddamn, fuck.

4.) Get out of the motherfucking house and go for a walk or go swimming or some shit

You need some fresh air and some sun, cuntdiver. You are severely lacking in Vitamin D and twenty minutes of exposure to direct sunlight would probably do you some good. Stretch those muscles before they atrophy.

5.) Go get some Vitamin C before you get some fucking Scurvy



Yeah, you may know that in the olden days, people who sailed the seven seas used to get Scurvy because they were extremely deficient in Vitamin C. Well, guess what, fuckface, so do computer geeks who live off of Coke and Doritos. You need to go eat some oranges before your gums start bleeding and your teeth start falling out and some shit.

Go eat some food with some other vitamins while you're at it. Go fucking shopping and buy some shampoo, too, you greasy motherfucker!

6.) Organize the folders on your computer, you cuntbubble

You've got porn everywhere. You don't even know where it all is. A /b/ folder that has over 9000 images in it with no rhyme or reason to it? Maybe you should sort that shit out. Porn is much better when you can find it. Plus, it's always good to have things separated because when you invite your friends over to circlejerk, at least they won't have to know that you like seeing Japanese women get shat upon by men dressed like Ligers.

7.) Read a book

The internets are a great place and all, but fuck, is it so hard to go out and read a novel or a book about quantum physics or some shit? No! Go get a book and take it out to the park or to the bar or somewhere and just sit down and read. It'll do you good to expand your mind beyond the confines of *chanfaggotry.

8.) Call your goddamned mother and father and tell them that you love them


You sick fuck, you've been spending how much of your waking life looking at the Little motherfucking Mermaid with a dick getting a blowjob from Flounder? Shit, don't you think your mom and dad want to hear from you and know that you're still alive? They love you or some shit, just call them and say hi and ask how their day is.

Any other fucking suggestions?


9 comments:

Kakama said...

Hello. I think I am going to append this to the sticky somehow. I did not read this before, but you echo my thoughts exactly. Thank you. I'm going to go to sleep now, really.

Subject said...

this is perfect advice coming from someone who actually knows what they're talking about. i really respect people like you.

The Wombat said...

I had enough time to dedicate half an hour to writing something? Wow. That's like, 1/48th of my day. Too bad I was productive, I did go outside and get some exercise and some sun, did talk to my parents and told them I loved them, and so on. Seems like I'm following my own advice.

Mike said...

I'm sure the *chan trolls will be flooding the comment section of this post soon. They'll rant and rave like rabid dogs, because that's what they do. The more posts they make here, in my opinion, the more valid the articles points become. So go ahead and prove a point for him, Anonymous. Make his day.

Mohey Pori !m0hEY/p0RI said...

Hello Pablo!

With some experience I have in the imageboard culture, I can safely say that when it comes to some people, advice falls on deaf ears.

Too bad about this, because this post is pretty damn solid and truthful.

Anyways, that's pretty much all i wanted to say. have a nice day!

Zander said...

olololo

Peter said...

all i saw on this blog were bullshit stereotypes that I can think of better applications for. Grow up and get a life rather than making fun of boards without registered user names. Seriously is this what you have to do in order to get page views. How pathetic.

W said...

Hey Pablo, maybe you and your wetback family should head right home to stinky ol'd Mexico? And take your tacos with you, beanerboy.

jwcase said...

Comment 19 GET. Also, am I poasting in some kind of sticky right now? I'm confused. And lonesome.